Who am I?

Over the past week, I've attempted to write on the "About the Muser" section. Almost five times. I get about a sentence into it, and then I backspace until that one sentence is gone. So, here I sit at a great little coffee shop called Gear-Up writing about how I can't decide how to write about myself. It's caused quite a division in my mind, really. I've had this question in my mind all week, "who am I?" How in the world am I supposed to explain who I am in a few paragraphs? There is so much more to a person than words. Yet, it's all I can think about lately. Somehow, questions have been asked of me lately, such as; what are your dreams? Who are you living for? Are you motivated enough for the things you say you want to do? Okay, good questions. 

About a year ago, I came to a conclusion about how people are so worried about what people think of them, that all they can think about is how they're presenting themselves, and how they want to act. It causes multiple personalities. You're this way with one person and then that way with another. Then a confusion enters our minds of, "who am I?" Well, I decided that it's silly to ever really think about the little details of who I am, and I'm just supposed to live and not worry about acting certain ways for certain people. I am who I am. I'm serious, but I'm silly. I'm broken, but I'm whole. I'm confused, but I'm certain. I'm selfish, but I'm loving. 

I can't sit here and truly explain to you who I am. I could give you a hundred small details about myself, but only God really knows, and I think my identity lays a lot safer with Him than it does with me. So, if you were to ask me about myself, I might give you the usual response of how old I am and then something that I enjoy doing. I shall create myself with actions, not words. So, I deleted the "About the Muser" section. For now. 

"I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours" -Casting Crowns

Stepping into Adulthood

In our lives, there are always huge choices of what to do next. Sometimes, you can't just go for it. You have to weigh every possibility of what may happen, and how will it effect everyone else's lives. The pondering moments are crucial. 
The biggest step of going into adulthood is learning what you want to do with your future. Do you want to focus on a career? Do you want to go to college? When do you want to move out of your parent's house? Are you capable of being independent? Do you have the money to support yourself? How much are your parents going to help you? Do you have any possible roommates? Well, here I am at 19 years old (and I still feel like I'm 12!), and I'm making these hard decisions. No, I don't want to go to college to focus on a career. I would like to move out on my own, but my simple fast food job isn't going to support my every need. Isn't it a terrible time realizing that you have no one to move out with? Maybe that's just me... 
So while I sit here wondering about my not so distant future, I pray that God will guide me through it all. (And that I'll stop freaking out about the silly things.) Luckily, I opened up an email from my boyfriend, Jordan, and this scripture was in it. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3;5-6


On a more happy note, I FINALLY BLOGGED!